


volleyboob

by eccentrick



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Forgive Me, Gen, I'm Sorry, Volleyball Dorks & Nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 17:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6433795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eccentrick/pseuds/eccentrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reason Kenma calls Kuroo by his last name is revealed, along with possible solutions.</p><p>(Alternatively titled: Forgive Me Fandom, For I Have Sinned feat. I Will Regret This Later)</p>
            </blockquote>





	volleyboob

**Author's Note:**

> I have not given up on the Like Color, Like Sound series, trust me, the last one shot is almost done, . I have been dealing with some motivation issues, along with writer's block too, so here's this to help the angst~. I had a devil on my shoulder telling me to write this on tumblr, so write it I did. It is pure crack, 110%.

It was Lev's fault. It was always Lev's fault if you asked Kenma, which no one did since he'd ignore them anyway.

It had all started after a day of volleyball camp when Kuroo and Bokuto, being the pushy uncles they were, tried to convince Karasuno, Nekoma, and Fukurodani to stay after a bit to practice more.

Most of Karasuno had stayed over besides Yamaguchi and the rest of the second years, excluding Tanaka and Noya. Daichi had clearly told them they didn't have to stay because rest was important too. Tsukishima surprisingly didn't lead Yamaguchi out, choosing to stay. The coach and sensei appeared to stay over as well, wanting to observe as much as possible, and the two managers were there to make sure everyone didn't stay too late lest they want to go without dinner.

The only ones who stayed from Fukurodani was Akaashi and Bokuto, the rest of the team leaving. This almost sent Bokuto into dejected mode before they told him they just couldn't keep up with his amazing stamina. Bokuto had beamed stupidly, doing his weird owl thing.

Kenma was actively looking for an escape route, annoyed with how many people had been asking for his toss. Yaku was the only one who gave him space, and thankfully, made sure Lev did too (as much as he could, since it's Lev). It was only the four of them from their team, Kuroo, Yaku, Lev and himself.

He pleaded at Kuroo with his eyes, _please don't do this to me_ , but Kuroo had just smirked at his glare; Kenma could probably get out if he absolutely wanted to, and he _wanted_ to, but he had been weak to Shouyou's insistent begging.

After the third toss to Shouyou, he watched the ball roll to the other side of the gym and didn't bother to get another one. The ginger pouted at him, but Kenma wasn't going to toss to him again, since he could feel the gaze of Shouyou's intense setter and wanted to tread lightly. Kuroo came towards him, probably also wanting a toss.

"No, Kuro." He groused. He could have been playing his game, but the battery had ran out at lunch. Kenma was stuck here.

Lev stood up from the floor, and Kenma flinched since he hadn't realized he almost stepped on the giant.

"Kenma-san! Why do you call Kuroo-san by his last name when you call everyone by their firsts?"

Kuroo put his hands on his hips. "Yeah, Kenma, why?"

All eyes were on the exchange, everyone waiting for the answer. He fidgeted.

"Tetsurou is too long." Kenma mumbled.

"That's why you would think of a nickname, Kenma!" Shouyou exclaimed.

"Like what?"

"Tetsu?" Kuroo supplied.

"Still too long," Kenma mumbled.

"Tet?" That was Shouyou's suggestion.

Bokuto must have noticed the crowd gathering around the blond and figured he should come check it out because he wrapped his buff arm around Kenma's shoulders in horror.

"Tit? I thought you were gay, Kenma! Are you cheating on my bro?!"

"No, that's-"

"The only Tit I need is that one," Kenma interjected, cutting off Lev for a change before he pointed to Kuroo. "Might be a bit lopsided but I don't know any better, I guess."

Kuroo reached up to his bed head like he knew exactly what Kenma was talking about, looking slightly teary eyed and embarrassed, but strangely happy.

Bokuto looked down at Kenma in awe, squeezing his bicep around the setter's, tight enough that Kenma elbowed him in the ribs.

"Bokuto-san." The ace let go of Kenma and slowly faced Akaashi, seeming ready to be scolded. "I'm gay, and I'd like you even if you are a giant boob." Akaashi said in the most serious deadpan Kenma had ever heard.

A couple things happened all at once after that, over loading Kenma's senses. Bokuto was yelling Akaashi's name, or at least he thinks that was what Bokuto was saying, since it was so garbled and loud that the echo was unintelligible. The whole of the Karasuno looked confused, before going into their individual reactions; the intense setter was blushing down to his shoulders, sputtering. Shouyou looked like he'd just got set a good toss, naive and earnest in his admiration. The bean pole one with glasses snickered, though Kenma could see a slight tinge of red on his cheeks. The captain with good thighs responded in mock anger, to cover up his immediate reaction of embarrassment; the pretty setter chuckled, smacking the captain on the ass. The third year manager covered the smaller ones eyes, telling her it will be over soon. Now, it was the bald one and their libero that took charge of the situation.

They gasped in unison, similar scandalized expressions marring their faces. They looked at each other, the short one squeezing baldy's flexed arm, batting his eyelashes.

"Will you be my boob bro," the libero moaned lewdly, kicking out his leg.

"Only if you'll be my tit," Baldy husked back.

 All the while, their ace looked like he'd need a bucket for his sweat and searched back and forth between teams, probably looking for someone to help him diffuse whatever had just happened. Kenma almost felt bad for him.

"Bro..." The mini libero gasped.

"Maybe you should control our children, Dai-chan, before anything illegal occurs," the silver haired setter purred in the captain's ear. Kenma swears he saw the foxy setter grab a handful of the stern captain's ass. "And don't worry, you don't need a nice rack to keep me around~"

You could almost see the steam coming from the usually composed face. "Suga!"

Tanaka laughed at his senpai's behavior, turning around and grabbing two volleyballs before he proceeded to shove them up his shirt. The short stack howled in laughter at that and followed suit. Before anyone could stop them they were squeezing each other's volleyboobs, comparing sizes. Kenma really hoped they stayed away from him, grimacing at the thought of Shouyou being influenced by these idiots.

The child sized libero directed his gaze at the scary ace, who was ten times less intimidating when he looked like he was melting, spazzing out at the chaos going on around him. When the Jesus lookalike saw the miniature second year head towards him he wilted even more.

"Wanna feel my tits too, Asahi~"

"Uh, ah, um, Noya, I-"

"Don't worry Asahi-san, you're still my main squeeze." The pygmy sized libero said, hugging Asahi so hard the volleyballs fell out from underneath his shirt.

Karasuno's coach, who looked too intense to Kenma, seemed about to give up on life, or maybe just these idiots. The sensei had to hold him back, which was a feat in itself with how much larger the coach seemed to be. The smaller seemed to mention drinks, the Yamamoto look-alike yelling "Go get some, Take-chan!" once they were out of hearing range.

Meanwhile, Kenma was in the center of it all, having an existential crisis, possibly losing his hair. He just knew he needed to get away from these idiots, and he wished he hadn't started this. Kuroo actually gave him a sympathetic look, knowing they had spawned something rather bothersome, before he made a shooing motion, letting Kenma escape.

 _Thank you_ , he mouthed, slipping out of the gym, hustling faster than he has in days.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this stupid nonsense, feel free to comment cuz I'm always a slut for comments.
> 
> My joint tumblr with my beta is eccentrick-stardust, come follow us if you want~


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